it's a miracle
Jun. 11th, 2004 03:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aimeeliciousNo, I'm not talking about me paying my bills this morning, I'm talking about a new chapter of Grace. For anyone still remotely interested in the story (previous parts here), my deepest apologies for the long wait. As additional reassurance, I offer you the fact that the next part is well on its way and...it has lots of smut. Wheee!
Quickly, in other news I got a fabulous care-package from my good friend![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
moosesal, who sent chocolate and QaF. She is much adored.
*beams happily at the healing power of brownies*
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Xander couldn't help the surge of resentment that went through him. Not directed at anyone in particular, of course, because god knows he learned a long time ago not to blame people for the ever-present supernatural goings-on that followed him like the plague. But hey, he deserved a moment of mourning for the fake vacation that started shaky but had been looking better.
"I think an explanation would be good right about now," said Xander. He didn't want to push, but if getting this story out of Oz was going to be as difficult as usual he might as well start now.
"They've come for me," said Oz quietly, his eyes now averted.
Xander pondered this for a moment, realizing he'd heard that line before. Multiple times. "You sound like a bad sci-fi movie. Come again?"
Oz sighed and rested both his hands palm down on the table, as if to ground himself before speaking. "When I first left Sunnydale, I went places. Met people. Wolves." There was a pause, then he continued. "Found a place where the change was encouraged, reveled in. In a secure spot, and hunting was off limits, but the freedom of no chains..."
The look on his face was one of amazement, and Xander contemplated it thoughtfully. Sometimes it was easy to forget what a burden being a werewolf must have been, must still be even with Willow's magic helping. The constant fear of hurting those you love--that was a feeling Xander could relate to. Clearly they were heading in that direction here. "So what happened?" he prompted, not entirely sure he was ready for the rest of the story.
Looking right at Xander, Oz went on. "Went fine for almost a year. Then one cycle I killed another were. Julie."
Holy shit. Okay, that little detail got glossed over when they'd talked about the wolf issue the first time. Xander waited for the disgust, but it never showed so he moved on to sympathy. He'd been responsible for a lot of death over the years, but always in the name of evil. It was still hard sometimes though, to accept his role in the mortality of anything, even a demon. Rather than fear or loathing, he felt compassion for Oz, to carry that weight. "Was it an accident?", he finally said.
"Hard to know. Was in full wolf form at the time. Not much happens then that isn't on purpose. The memory of it is hazy though. Mostly I remember running." Oz sighed again, eyes staring unfocused on the wall.
"How did you get away, with all those other wolves?" Xander asked, trying to move things forward so Oz didn't have to relive the whole incident. They could deal with the specific facts later, if necessary.
Oz frowned. "Don't know. One of them helped me, there's no other way. But I couldn't say who."
The rough but small hands twisted like they had the second night he'd been here, and Xander reached across the table to hold them. Oz flinched but didn't pull away. He remained silent, so Xander quickly tried to fill in the blanks.
"You got away, and they've been looking for you ever since?"
"Sums it up."
"That explains the hair anyway," Xander said, with some measure of satisfaction that he at least understood something about the situation. "Did they only know you by 'Oz'?"
"Think it's what's kept them away this long. That and I haven't stayed anywhere long enough to be traced, until..." Oz stopped, shrugged helplessly and glanced around as if to say that he took over this life reluctantly, but it was his to defend now.
"So what are we gonna do?" asked Xander.
"We?" Oz repeated, looking puzzled.
"We," Xander said impatiently. "You don't think I'm going to just walk away *now*, do you?" By the look in Oz's eyes that had apparently been a distinct possibility, and Xander felt vaguely insulted. Feelings made him run, sure, but bad guys did not, at least not so much anymore. Evil could be beaten, he was living proof. Oz should know better. Time for reassurance. Not his strong suit, but he'd give it his best shot.
Letting go of Oz's hands and getting up, Xander walked around the table until he stood behind the other chair. He leaned over to drape his arms gently around Oz's neck and put his chin on his head. "I'll be honest. I don't really know what I'm doing. But I know I care about you, I made the decision last night to stay and see what happened. Well, this is something that's happened, and just because it's bad instead of good doesn't mean I'm leaving." He could tell his words were coming out all jumbled as usual, but figured he might as well plow on and hope Oz could interpret.
"So I figure, first order of business is research, which in this case would be picking your brain for ideas on how many angry weres we're dealing with, and where they could be hiding out." Suddenly another thought occurred to him. "Did I completely miss the fact that it was a full moon yesterday?" Xander asked, feeling panic well up in him a bit. After all, he'd walked alone, with a stake, for hours last night. And then slept peacefully next to a werewolf. A cute one he kind of liked, but still. Could have all gone horribly wrong.
Hands reached up to Xander's arms, kneading them and urging the muscles to relax. "Full moon isn't for another few days."
"How'd they change then, so early?"
Oz leaned his head back against Xander's chest. "Once you don't try to contain it, it just comes. A few days before for some, lingers a few days after for others." There was a pause, and Oz traced the headline ink on the paper. "I'm glad it wasn't you, Xander."
At that, Xander cleared his throat and went for broke. "I know we're in mortal danger and all, but I would feel a lot better if you kissed me. Or, you know, we kissed." He felt like an idiot. But it was true, he'd been a jangle of nerves since the first night and every time the tension started to ease, something happened to bring it back with a vengeance. In Oregon, at least, the only time the world felt right was when they were touching. And more than touching. That was even better.
He felt rather than heard Oz's chuckle, but for a change, it didn't make him cringe because there was affection, he could sense it. Xander smiled, again like an idiot but he didn't so much care now, as Oz stood up to lean against the table and pull him in for a kiss that wiped his mind clear of danger and filled it with heat and possibilities. As their tongues met eagerly and the bitter taste of coffee melted into sweetness, Xander got the idea that this wasn't going to be a quick, semi-drugged grope. And considering how good that had been...wolf research could wait a few minutes. Or hours.
Quickly, in other news I got a fabulous care-package from my good friend
moosesal, who sent chocolate and QaF. She is much adored. *beams happily at the healing power of brownies*
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Xander couldn't help the surge of resentment that went through him. Not directed at anyone in particular, of course, because god knows he learned a long time ago not to blame people for the ever-present supernatural goings-on that followed him like the plague. But hey, he deserved a moment of mourning for the fake vacation that started shaky but had been looking better.
"I think an explanation would be good right about now," said Xander. He didn't want to push, but if getting this story out of Oz was going to be as difficult as usual he might as well start now.
"They've come for me," said Oz quietly, his eyes now averted.
Xander pondered this for a moment, realizing he'd heard that line before. Multiple times. "You sound like a bad sci-fi movie. Come again?"
Oz sighed and rested both his hands palm down on the table, as if to ground himself before speaking. "When I first left Sunnydale, I went places. Met people. Wolves." There was a pause, then he continued. "Found a place where the change was encouraged, reveled in. In a secure spot, and hunting was off limits, but the freedom of no chains..."
The look on his face was one of amazement, and Xander contemplated it thoughtfully. Sometimes it was easy to forget what a burden being a werewolf must have been, must still be even with Willow's magic helping. The constant fear of hurting those you love--that was a feeling Xander could relate to. Clearly they were heading in that direction here. "So what happened?" he prompted, not entirely sure he was ready for the rest of the story.
Looking right at Xander, Oz went on. "Went fine for almost a year. Then one cycle I killed another were. Julie."
Holy shit. Okay, that little detail got glossed over when they'd talked about the wolf issue the first time. Xander waited for the disgust, but it never showed so he moved on to sympathy. He'd been responsible for a lot of death over the years, but always in the name of evil. It was still hard sometimes though, to accept his role in the mortality of anything, even a demon. Rather than fear or loathing, he felt compassion for Oz, to carry that weight. "Was it an accident?", he finally said.
"Hard to know. Was in full wolf form at the time. Not much happens then that isn't on purpose. The memory of it is hazy though. Mostly I remember running." Oz sighed again, eyes staring unfocused on the wall.
"How did you get away, with all those other wolves?" Xander asked, trying to move things forward so Oz didn't have to relive the whole incident. They could deal with the specific facts later, if necessary.
Oz frowned. "Don't know. One of them helped me, there's no other way. But I couldn't say who."
The rough but small hands twisted like they had the second night he'd been here, and Xander reached across the table to hold them. Oz flinched but didn't pull away. He remained silent, so Xander quickly tried to fill in the blanks.
"You got away, and they've been looking for you ever since?"
"Sums it up."
"That explains the hair anyway," Xander said, with some measure of satisfaction that he at least understood something about the situation. "Did they only know you by 'Oz'?"
"Think it's what's kept them away this long. That and I haven't stayed anywhere long enough to be traced, until..." Oz stopped, shrugged helplessly and glanced around as if to say that he took over this life reluctantly, but it was his to defend now.
"So what are we gonna do?" asked Xander.
"We?" Oz repeated, looking puzzled.
"We," Xander said impatiently. "You don't think I'm going to just walk away *now*, do you?" By the look in Oz's eyes that had apparently been a distinct possibility, and Xander felt vaguely insulted. Feelings made him run, sure, but bad guys did not, at least not so much anymore. Evil could be beaten, he was living proof. Oz should know better. Time for reassurance. Not his strong suit, but he'd give it his best shot.
Letting go of Oz's hands and getting up, Xander walked around the table until he stood behind the other chair. He leaned over to drape his arms gently around Oz's neck and put his chin on his head. "I'll be honest. I don't really know what I'm doing. But I know I care about you, I made the decision last night to stay and see what happened. Well, this is something that's happened, and just because it's bad instead of good doesn't mean I'm leaving." He could tell his words were coming out all jumbled as usual, but figured he might as well plow on and hope Oz could interpret.
"So I figure, first order of business is research, which in this case would be picking your brain for ideas on how many angry weres we're dealing with, and where they could be hiding out." Suddenly another thought occurred to him. "Did I completely miss the fact that it was a full moon yesterday?" Xander asked, feeling panic well up in him a bit. After all, he'd walked alone, with a stake, for hours last night. And then slept peacefully next to a werewolf. A cute one he kind of liked, but still. Could have all gone horribly wrong.
Hands reached up to Xander's arms, kneading them and urging the muscles to relax. "Full moon isn't for another few days."
"How'd they change then, so early?"
Oz leaned his head back against Xander's chest. "Once you don't try to contain it, it just comes. A few days before for some, lingers a few days after for others." There was a pause, and Oz traced the headline ink on the paper. "I'm glad it wasn't you, Xander."
At that, Xander cleared his throat and went for broke. "I know we're in mortal danger and all, but I would feel a lot better if you kissed me. Or, you know, we kissed." He felt like an idiot. But it was true, he'd been a jangle of nerves since the first night and every time the tension started to ease, something happened to bring it back with a vengeance. In Oregon, at least, the only time the world felt right was when they were touching. And more than touching. That was even better.
He felt rather than heard Oz's chuckle, but for a change, it didn't make him cringe because there was affection, he could sense it. Xander smiled, again like an idiot but he didn't so much care now, as Oz stood up to lean against the table and pull him in for a kiss that wiped his mind clear of danger and filled it with heat and possibilities. As their tongues met eagerly and the bitter taste of coffee melted into sweetness, Xander got the idea that this wasn't going to be a quick, semi-drugged grope. And considering how good that had been...wolf research could wait a few minutes. Or hours.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 01:37 pm (UTC)Squeeee! Printing now for readage at the pool.
((hugs))
no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 12:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 06:08 pm (UTC)Are you going to be able to update frequently?
(hugs))
no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 07:19 am (UTC):: hugs ::
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 04:02 pm (UTC)Feelings made him run, sure, but bad guys did not, at least not so much anymore. Evil could be beaten, he was living proof. Oz should know better. Time for reassurance. Not his strong suit, but he'd give it his best shot.
I like this idea that Xander is ready to face the evil while not necessarily ready to face his emotions. I think that's really true to his character. Very nice. And I love that he's willing to let his emotions fall into it by making it Oz's evil that he fights. Can't wait to see more.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 12:43 pm (UTC)Apparently LJ was/is (not really sure) having a problem displaying memories other than your own. Sorry about that =( But I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter anyway! Thanks very much for the thoughtful comment, as always. Ahoy for the smut coming up...
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 11:22 pm (UTC)"...I know I care about you, I made the decision last night to stay and see what happened. Well, this is something that's happened, and just because it's bad instead of good doesn't mean I'm leaving." He could tell his words were coming out all jumbled as usual, but figured he might as well plow on and hope Oz could interpret.
Such great Xander. He would decide to stay no matter what, because that's what Xander does, especially now that he's decided to let the healing happen. And so very like him to think that the way he's saying it isn't good enough, but just going on. I'm having trouble (sort of like Xander? ;-)) expressing just how many layers of Xander we get here, but I see them. I just can't describe them so well.
I like the Oz backstory about the werewolves, and I can't wait to find out how this all works out.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-12 12:47 pm (UTC)Such great Xander. He would decide to stay no matter what, because that's what Xander does, especially now that he's decided to let the healing happen. And so very like him to think that the way he's saying it isn't good enough, but just going on. I'm having trouble (sort of like Xander? ;-)) expressing just how many layers of Xander we get here, but I see them. I just can't describe them so well.
This is wonderful feedback and I really appreciate it...I think Xander, despite some efforts to have him come across as sort of simple, is one of the more complicated characters in the Buffyverse. I want his story here to reflect that, so I'm glad the layers show. =)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-13 04:48 am (UTC)So happy to see more of this, and finally after getting backed-up beta work out of the way was able to read. Intriguing development on the Oz front -- fascinating issue to give him. I'm looking forward to seeing how it plays out with the characters' relationship. And I love your Xander. Love!
Hope your memories come back soon -- and that sounds more existential and/or neurological than it actually is.
You around today or tomorrow for phone convo? ::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 07:21 am (UTC)I wondered if it would almost make him *too* complicated, but I think it's working out okay, at least in my head as the story unfolds. Glad you're happy, I like making you happy! Wheee!
no subject
Date: 2004-06-13 08:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 07:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-13 08:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 07:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-13 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 07:26 am (UTC)What a wonderful compliment...thank you so much. I'm really glad to be back, and happy you're enjoying the much-delayed continuation of this story!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-19 02:02 pm (UTC)Yes I do this at horror movies too..