aimeelicious (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aimeelicious) wrote2004-11-22 08:41 pm
aimeelicious) wrote2004-11-22 08:41 pm
Entry tags:
fic post
I have ventured into Smallville territory and written a short Clark/Lex ficlet-type thing. I've no idea if it's any good or makes the least bit of sense, but the idea came to me while I was listening to the new mix of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus" and wouldn't let go!
Title: Personal Jesus
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating: PG-13 (sorry about the lack of smut!)
Spoilers: passing mention of "Bound"
Warnings: some angst (but not a dark fic)
Summary: It's all about anger and faith. Unbeta'd.
Feedback would be really nice. I don't usually ask for it, but this is a new fandom for me, and if you all think I shouldn't try it again, I'd rather know! =)
Clark was uncomfortable. As he sat in Lex's office and studied the man engrossed in a video conference, he recognized the anger behind every clipped word. Oh, the voice was as smooth as always, the hand gestures steady, the face composed. But Clark had figured out a long time ago that if he really looked, he could tell indifference from fury. And this was definitely fury, simmering just below the surface. Unfortunately, there was a good possibility it was directed at him.
Things had been...awkward between them for a while now. Overtures and apologies had been made on both sides, but somehow it never went back to normal. Or what had passed for normal anyway, in the Clark and Lex world of friendship. Now it was like he was alternately repelled and drawn in by Lex, wanting to trust him and *make* him good, yet feeling neither was possible. Hoping for one thing, believing in another. It made him tired and confused, and everyone around him didn't help much, with their conflicting opinions and advice, so Clark had finally decided to be his own guide when it came to Lex.
That may have been his first mistake, because in some fit of need to prove something, prove his loyalty and concern so that Lex could have faith in him again, so he could have faith in himself again, Clark had run to the prison today. To spy on Lionel. To try and gain an edge, a sliver of understanding into the man he'd seen Lex be with those women. To find a weakness, so he could expose it in Lex and use that to steer him away from...well, he wasn't sure what, but the direction they were both going in was not working. Mostly because it wasn't the *same* direction.
"Clark."
The conference was over apparently, and he met Lex's eyes. Definitely fury. He'd have to try hard not to match it with his own.
"I'm sorry, Lex. I shouldn't have..."
Lex cut him off. "How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from Lionel? As much as want to, I can't protect you from him, even while he's in jail. What you did today was stupid and juvenile. Look what he pulled off last time you 'happened' to be there during visiting hours."
"That wasn't his original plan, and..."
Lex did it again, waving off Clark's words as he leaned back in his chair. "It doesn't matter that everything ended up okay, the point is the damage that was done in the interim, and the potential for disaster," Lex said, looking pointedly at Clark, who winced as he thought of Lana and Chloe.
He really needed to explain, make Lex understand that today wasn't about Lionel, it was about them, and that secret room and the casual sex and the loft and all the things they'd lied about. It was about getting something back that was missing, the place where Clark and Lex were by the river and the world didn't exist.
Clark flexed his hands and stood up, wanting to pace. Before Lex could mask it, a shadow of fear crossed over his face, and Clark could do nothing for a moment but stare. Lex was afraid of him? He was motionless, unable to absorb this new piece of information. Anger he could understand, it wasn't every day Lex had to pull in favors with the prison warden to get his friend out of a cell where he didn't belong. But fear?
"You don't feel safe here with me?" he finally asked, the words surprisingly clear.
"Of course I feel safe, Clark, why wouldn't I?" Lex was back to being suave and challenging. Clark hated suave and challenging. He wanted answers.
"When I stood up, you looked scared for a second."
Lex gave a hollow laugh. "You must be joking, Clark. I've no reason to be afraid of you." A direct hit. And Clark had had enough.
"Yes, you do, Lex. But first let me tell you about today." He started walking, and ended up with his back to Lex, looking out the window. "I woke up this morning missing you. Missing how we used to hang out, missing your smile, the one where you actually smile and don't fake it. Missing your touch. Missing how we sometimes had whole conversations by making faces at each other. And wondering how we got here. How many lies it took, how many weird and near-death experiences, how many apologies."
Clark turned abruptly and advanced on the desk until he was leaning on it with both hands, looking down at Lex.
"I wanted it all to stop. I wanted you to be the man I thought you were, the man I *believed* you could be, and I wanted Lionel to show me how to find that man. So you wouldn't look at me anymore with that question in your eyes, the one I can never answer." He stopped for a breath, and saw Lex not blinking, obviously stunned.
"He holds the key, Lex, the key to making you different. And I'm going to find it. Because I believe."
With that, Clark sat down, feeling satisfied. He'd never be as eloquent as Lex, but he thought he'd gotten his point across.
Finally, Lex spoke up. "What, exactly, do you believe?" He frowned as he said the word, like believing in something was incomprehensible, and Clark thought maybe to Lex, it was.
"I believe that you can be saved. From yourself," Clark answered, hoping that made sense.
"And you think Lionel can help you do that?" Lex asked, but Clark knew it was a rhetorical question and stayed quiet. This was Lex thinking, might as well let him do it.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe *you're* the key?" Lex said.
It was Clark's turn to think, but eventually he shook his head. "No. Who you are comes from being raised by Lionel," he responded.
There was a little smile then, the good kind, but quick and then it was gone. "Maybe so," Lex said. "But maybe who I might be comes from you, Clark. Only you." There wasn't as much anger in those blue eyes anymore. Now it appeared more like...resignation.
Clark looked at the space separating them, and the desk, looming like a moat between castle and conqueror. He stood again, careful this time to stay relaxed.
"Come over here, Lex."
Lex didn't budge.
"This is it, Lex, we both know it," Clark said. "I believe. Can you have faith in me?" His last words hung in the air, and it seemed to him like the world in that second was an obelisk, balancing on his battered soul. His future, and Lex's, were both at stake here.
The next few moments as Lex got up and made his way around the desk until they stood only inches apart were the longest of Clark's life. When a pale hand lifted to touch his cheek, he closed his eyes in relief.
"I'll believe in you, Clark. Is that enough?" Lex asked quietly, sounding as uncertain as Clark had ever heard him. In answer, he touched Lex's face with his own fingers, and leaned in to brush their lips together in a kiss so swift it almost never happened. It would have to be enough. It would have to be.
Title: Personal Jesus
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating: PG-13 (sorry about the lack of smut!)
Spoilers: passing mention of "Bound"
Warnings: some angst (but not a dark fic)
Summary: It's all about anger and faith. Unbeta'd.
Feedback would be really nice. I don't usually ask for it, but this is a new fandom for me, and if you all think I shouldn't try it again, I'd rather know! =)
Clark was uncomfortable. As he sat in Lex's office and studied the man engrossed in a video conference, he recognized the anger behind every clipped word. Oh, the voice was as smooth as always, the hand gestures steady, the face composed. But Clark had figured out a long time ago that if he really looked, he could tell indifference from fury. And this was definitely fury, simmering just below the surface. Unfortunately, there was a good possibility it was directed at him.
Things had been...awkward between them for a while now. Overtures and apologies had been made on both sides, but somehow it never went back to normal. Or what had passed for normal anyway, in the Clark and Lex world of friendship. Now it was like he was alternately repelled and drawn in by Lex, wanting to trust him and *make* him good, yet feeling neither was possible. Hoping for one thing, believing in another. It made him tired and confused, and everyone around him didn't help much, with their conflicting opinions and advice, so Clark had finally decided to be his own guide when it came to Lex.
That may have been his first mistake, because in some fit of need to prove something, prove his loyalty and concern so that Lex could have faith in him again, so he could have faith in himself again, Clark had run to the prison today. To spy on Lionel. To try and gain an edge, a sliver of understanding into the man he'd seen Lex be with those women. To find a weakness, so he could expose it in Lex and use that to steer him away from...well, he wasn't sure what, but the direction they were both going in was not working. Mostly because it wasn't the *same* direction.
"Clark."
The conference was over apparently, and he met Lex's eyes. Definitely fury. He'd have to try hard not to match it with his own.
"I'm sorry, Lex. I shouldn't have..."
Lex cut him off. "How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from Lionel? As much as want to, I can't protect you from him, even while he's in jail. What you did today was stupid and juvenile. Look what he pulled off last time you 'happened' to be there during visiting hours."
"That wasn't his original plan, and..."
Lex did it again, waving off Clark's words as he leaned back in his chair. "It doesn't matter that everything ended up okay, the point is the damage that was done in the interim, and the potential for disaster," Lex said, looking pointedly at Clark, who winced as he thought of Lana and Chloe.
He really needed to explain, make Lex understand that today wasn't about Lionel, it was about them, and that secret room and the casual sex and the loft and all the things they'd lied about. It was about getting something back that was missing, the place where Clark and Lex were by the river and the world didn't exist.
Clark flexed his hands and stood up, wanting to pace. Before Lex could mask it, a shadow of fear crossed over his face, and Clark could do nothing for a moment but stare. Lex was afraid of him? He was motionless, unable to absorb this new piece of information. Anger he could understand, it wasn't every day Lex had to pull in favors with the prison warden to get his friend out of a cell where he didn't belong. But fear?
"You don't feel safe here with me?" he finally asked, the words surprisingly clear.
"Of course I feel safe, Clark, why wouldn't I?" Lex was back to being suave and challenging. Clark hated suave and challenging. He wanted answers.
"When I stood up, you looked scared for a second."
Lex gave a hollow laugh. "You must be joking, Clark. I've no reason to be afraid of you." A direct hit. And Clark had had enough.
"Yes, you do, Lex. But first let me tell you about today." He started walking, and ended up with his back to Lex, looking out the window. "I woke up this morning missing you. Missing how we used to hang out, missing your smile, the one where you actually smile and don't fake it. Missing your touch. Missing how we sometimes had whole conversations by making faces at each other. And wondering how we got here. How many lies it took, how many weird and near-death experiences, how many apologies."
Clark turned abruptly and advanced on the desk until he was leaning on it with both hands, looking down at Lex.
"I wanted it all to stop. I wanted you to be the man I thought you were, the man I *believed* you could be, and I wanted Lionel to show me how to find that man. So you wouldn't look at me anymore with that question in your eyes, the one I can never answer." He stopped for a breath, and saw Lex not blinking, obviously stunned.
"He holds the key, Lex, the key to making you different. And I'm going to find it. Because I believe."
With that, Clark sat down, feeling satisfied. He'd never be as eloquent as Lex, but he thought he'd gotten his point across.
Finally, Lex spoke up. "What, exactly, do you believe?" He frowned as he said the word, like believing in something was incomprehensible, and Clark thought maybe to Lex, it was.
"I believe that you can be saved. From yourself," Clark answered, hoping that made sense.
"And you think Lionel can help you do that?" Lex asked, but Clark knew it was a rhetorical question and stayed quiet. This was Lex thinking, might as well let him do it.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe *you're* the key?" Lex said.
It was Clark's turn to think, but eventually he shook his head. "No. Who you are comes from being raised by Lionel," he responded.
There was a little smile then, the good kind, but quick and then it was gone. "Maybe so," Lex said. "But maybe who I might be comes from you, Clark. Only you." There wasn't as much anger in those blue eyes anymore. Now it appeared more like...resignation.
Clark looked at the space separating them, and the desk, looming like a moat between castle and conqueror. He stood again, careful this time to stay relaxed.
"Come over here, Lex."
Lex didn't budge.
"This is it, Lex, we both know it," Clark said. "I believe. Can you have faith in me?" His last words hung in the air, and it seemed to him like the world in that second was an obelisk, balancing on his battered soul. His future, and Lex's, were both at stake here.
The next few moments as Lex got up and made his way around the desk until they stood only inches apart were the longest of Clark's life. When a pale hand lifted to touch his cheek, he closed his eyes in relief.
"I'll believe in you, Clark. Is that enough?" Lex asked quietly, sounding as uncertain as Clark had ever heard him. In answer, he touched Lex's face with his own fingers, and leaned in to brush their lips together in a kiss so swift it almost never happened. It would have to be enough. It would have to be.
no subject
Thanks for sharing it!
no subject
Also, your icon is amazing. =)
no subject